Living in a dream-world while reality is objecting..

Gangs

Let's unlock all front doors, remove all gates and hand each and every single one of us a gun.

Which side would be left standing? The once who have always been carrying guns or the once who seek revenge?

Bitter sweet revenge will turn an exhausted mind blind and prejudice will kill the innocent.

Blood flooded streets and too many bodies to burn.

The haunted become the feared while the power enhanced feeling of the gun feeds their spirit.

With fear in our necks we shall remain silent and think of better ideas to solve one of the planet's biggest issue..

Sometimes you've gotta take your time to unsubscribe to stuff just to get rid of junk in your life for good coz ignoring it, will just keep that unwanted junk coming in..

Apple Tree

Once upon a time a little baby girl was born, to what seemed, save the face of her own family as infidelity tainted their reputation, their bond, their promise to stay together.

To welcome this little girl to this planet, an apple tree was planted. This in many eyes would merely seem like an ordinary tradition but in reality the apple tree served as a clever distraction of the current events.

Time passed and the beautiful family life her parents managed to keep up fooling themselves and everyone around them, didn't seem to last as long as they had hoped for.

Just like it could happen at a theatrical performance, the scenery they've built and worked on so hard suddenly collapsed.

What the girl was meant to save, could in fact have never been saved. Her presence wasn't of use any longer. She soon learned to feel the hand of reality, the dark side, the unpleasant, done nothing blamed for everything, her innocence taken away too early, of no use or worth, just there, locked up, just existing.

As the girl grew older, her apple tree did too and one day, as apple trees do, grew apples but not a single one was edible. Instead of sweet, juicy and big apples, her apple tree grew them small and already rotten brown. Unexplainable to everyone but it didn't cause much furore either. It was what it was, maybe not even a big surprise, maybe even predictable.

There was nothing wrong with the tree; after all, no one ever said that if we plant an apple tree we should expect the sweet, juicy and big apples. In fact we're merely taking responsibility to look after a tree once we've planted it.

As I've mentioned, there was nothing wrong with the tree, it only represented the true face of reality, the dark and unpleasant but yet not less reality. As harsh as it might seem, in reality lies beauty, each rotten fruit was a piece of truth unveiled.

Unfortunately, society couldn't bare to look at an apple tree that wouldn't represent the false image of perfection, beauty, "the norm" and whatever measures they've set themselves to believe that the apple tree wasn't worth growing any more. Of course it had to be removed, it might ruin the scenery they have worked on so hard. Instead they overbuilt the land.

The girl learned that society doesn't find reality pleasant, she learned that they will try to overbuild and cover up everything that doesn't measure up to their agenda.

She also learned to love the beauty of reality, she learned to appreciate it and to be grateful for it. And as long as she'll live she'll uncover a piece of truth with every word she says. Only few will understand, the majority will despise her for they do not want to see reality as they are too fragile to deal with it, too dumb to understand it, too comfortable to bare it, too blind to see how beautiful it really is!

"Then just be anything and then be someone else and then try something new until you figure who it is you wanna be and what it is you wanna do... Coz we can choose as how we want to grow, we just have to be willing to take the risk.. Coz what may come may be different to what we know but since what we know isn't what we want; why not just go for the unknown?"

Changing

There are words missing that would match the way I currently feel..
Being captured in between this space of questions..
Not here, not there, a stranger in a strange place..
Looking for familiarity by coincidence..
Searching and redefining what in fact is familiar..

What once was is gone..
What will be is unclear..
Who I am, uncertain..

Meeting myself for the first time again..
Getting to know Me, deep in thoughts, listening to my inner child..
Following gut feelings, experiencing life from a new point of view..
Prioritising life hasn't become possible just yet..
Taking in life as it comes along rather than desperately trying to consume it..
Living for today, not expecting answers..
Holding on to my passion, patiently discovering myself..

I think I'm growing, I think I'm changing, I think I like it..

The Sign (Experiencing Switzerland)

You see, there's this sign I seem to carry with me right above my head.. It's quite loud even though it doesn't make any noise.. It implies that I'm gay, well that's what it's supposed to say..

To some it's dirty, like it needs a good wash and it may scream punk, therefore bum, due to my dress-sense and there's an immediate effect of disrespect, into my face disrespect that could not be mistaken for anything else.. These people will hold on tight to their handbags, would not dare to sit next to me on public transport, literally stop conversation and stare when I walk past or when I enter a pub..
This merely makes me smile while I shake my head in disbelieve..

Others look at the sign and see porn; I would use another word but it describes exactly what they see.. In this case my sign seems to scream filth in a very sexual manner and this, somehow, apparently allows these people to treat me like a cheap piece of meat.. They make my ears bleed with their disgusting comments and think that they're welcome to touch as if I had invited them to.. The reactions differ from male to male and female to female.. Some just look at me as if I was the abomination of the nation..

Amongst gay people, my sign seems to look really pretty, not too loud either, just loud enough to state the obvious.. My sign seems to fit in perfectly and I don't seem to feel the weight of it, it's just floating there not bothering anyone..

And so everyone has their sign to carry and to every individual your sign looks different.. Some are scared of it, some don't get bothered by it.. Whether your sign has to do with your skin colour, sexual orientation, religion, dress-sense and so forth.. Some can hide their sign, some can't, some don't want to have to hide it..

All I know is, it's important for me to carry mine.. It's important for me TO BE and it's important for others to see.. And no matter how heavy, uncomfortable and loud it gets at times, I will carry it with pride for myself and everyone who isn't strong enough to carry their own..